What do you do?

I knew it would happen sooner or later. I have experienced loss as a teacher before. As I have mentioned before, we lost a student a few years ago and it was extremely traumatic. I didn't have that student in MY class. I grieved then, but it wasn't like this.  I had another little girl die several years ago. She had cancer and we knew it was coming. That doesn't make it any easier, really. This one ripped my heart out. THIS one was a student I had a few times. He graduated a couple of years ago. He was trying to do something with his life. He was working, taking classes, and had just joined the military. (Just in case my online friends are wondering, this is not the student I so frequently referred to as kiddo. This one graduated a couple of years before that group)

I first saw a story online about the accident. It just said, 'Mississippi Man Killed in Wreck on Springhill Ave.' I clicked on it. I promise, I didn't even read the story. His name just stood out to me. It was like his name was in 65 pt font. He has an unusual name, so I knew it was him. It was just an accident.

I had JUST heard from him the Friday before. He sent a message through another teacher to say hello, that he missed us, and that he was doing well.

My heart hurt. It hurt for me, the other teachers, his friends, his sister, his mom, his girlfriend, and for everyone who didnt get the chance to know him.  I questioned, 'Why would God take a kid who was trying to do something with his life??' I still wonder. I don't know the answers.  I know God is in control. He HAS comforted me. I talked with his mom last night at the service last night. She has been comforted by God as well, although she is hurting deeply.

When I first found out, I thought, 'Well, it would just be easier to not open my heart to the students I teach. It's just too hard to lose them.' I didn't think about that too long because that just isn't me. I have cried often. My heart has felt crushed. I had even felt like I was going to suffocate at times.

The service had to be delayed so long because his sister was in the car with him, and she was injured. They needed to let her heal. When she limped in last night with a cast on her arm and another one her leg, I burst into tears.  His family welcomed me last night. His mom hugged me. I shared stories about him in class. He ALWAYS kept everyone laughing. He was a treasure to have in class. It was an honor to teach him. I wish everyone had gotten the chance to know him. I wish he had gotten the chance to grow up.  I don't know why, but I know God does. Please continue to pray for his family. It has gotten easier as the days have gone by. I think I will always think about him at student assemblies (he was a great hip-hop dancer and once danced at a talent show. it was quite a memorable performance) and during basketball season. I won't forget him, but it has gotten easier. I love my job. I love the kids I teach. It's hard when things end this way, but I wouldn't trade having known him for anything.